Malena:

If you are a dog parent, you may be dealing with your dog exhibiting some rather difficult and upsetting behaviors when you leave the house. Maybe he’s destroying things in your home which can become costly. Maybe he’s barking incessantly, which is upsetting the neighbors or possibly he’s peeing or pooping every time you’re gone, which takes its toll. 

I know how frustrating this can all be, and as much as you empathize with your dog’s suffering, these behaviors also can lead to you feeling guilt and even anger. If any of this describes you, please know that this problem is not your fault. This condition commonly known as separation anxiety is not a result of spoiling or poor parenting. It is a complicated issue that includes everything from genetics to environment. 

If you take away nothing from this brief video, I urge you to absolve yourself of any guilt you may be experiencing because again, separation anxiety is not your fault. 

What do typical trainers recommend when working with dogs suffering from separation anxiety? Usually they say to train the dog certain behaviors, remove excessive attention, use crates, distract them with food toys, and possibly have them take some sort of obedience class. 

All of that well-intended information is not necessarily harmful, but it can be. A dog could present as perfectly obedient in response to being trained, but inside they’re still feeling tremendous anxiety. This means that alone time destruction, barking or peeing will keep happening.

During this message, I’m going to explain how to reduce the separation anxiety in your dog so that you can leave him alone successfully and you can resume the important activities in your life. My name is Malena DiMartini and the solution I’m about to teach you is based on how I’ve been working with separation anxiety dogs and their owners for the past two decades. I’m the author of two seminal books on this topic and my materials have been circulated in many worldwide publications. In addition to working with clients, I speak internationally on the topic of separation, anxiety training, and also run an educational program to teach skilled dog professionals how to work effectively with this condition. The educational program for dog professionals has now certified over 100 separation anxiety trainers, CSATs we call them, they are located all over the world. They have used their expertise in working with separation anxiety to treat many hundreds of dogs to overcome the most debilitating forms of separation anxiety.

My own beloved Tini DeMartini screamed at the top of her lungs If I was nearly out of sight starting the very first day, I brought her home. Through time and training, she became successful with alone time and she is that one example of so many out there that have overcome this exasperating problem.  

But how do we help these dogs in this way? Separation anxiety essentially comes down to the dog’s debilitating fear about being alone, which may sound irrational to us, but it is not to them. 

I think it makes sense to explore how to solve this problem by examining what might be done. For those of us who suffer from phobias in our own lives, we could use any fear in this context such as flying or public speaking. I’m deathly afraid of spiders, so we’ll use that as an example. 

Let’s say I went to a counselor to help me with my spider phobia. What would happen if a couple of sessions in? After making a bit of progress, I went back to my counselor and she tossed a handful of spiders in my hair. 

I’m shuttering just thinking about that. Can you see that I would not only go into panic mode in that moment, but I would also have to likely go back to square one with my counseling program due to this event. Furthermore, I would probably lose faith and trust in the process after getting pushed into a situation that was extremely scary for me prior to when I was ready for it. 

What would be more helpful would be if they walked me through a gradual process. We may start with looking at a photo of a spider or if that was too much, which honestly it would be for me, we might start with a fluffy stuffed pink spider.

The goal is to start at a level that does not induce fear or panic. From that point forward, we would move up the ladder carefully to help me to accept degrees of spiders in photos and then at a distance and eventually a real one up close, all the while remaining at a level that was not causing fear. This is the exact type of training that we conduct with dogs wherein we start with minimal introductions to a handful of seconds of alone time and gradually move forward over time. If we were to incrementally acclimate the dog to being alone for say 30 minutes and then suddenly leave for several hours, the dog would have a reaction very similar to what I had with the spiders. Fear and panic would override the training that had been accomplished and we would likely need to start at the beginning yet again.

This process called desensitization, has been used with animals of all types since the early 1950s and continues to be the gold standard for treating fears and phobias in dogs, people, and many other species. As a result of the way gradual desensitization works, it is elemental to the training process to not leave the dog alone for longer periods than he can handle. That isn’t to say that he has to be with you personally, but rather cannot be entirely alone during the training other than for whatever increment of time you have currently accomplished. Using a neighbor or friend to help watch the dog. Hiring a local college student or even using daycare for those dogs that enjoy it are just a few examples of how we could manage the dog’s time through the training. We’re here to help you find solutions to this absence suspension, and I know that it is absolutely possible if we get creative and think outside the box to find ways of not leaving the dog alone for a while.

You may very well be wondering how long does for a while mean? I would love to give you a specific answer, but that is extremely dependent on the individual dog, their environment, the commitment to regular training, and even possibly the incorporation of needed support from your veterinarian. If we take just a moment to go back to our spider counselor, can you see that there would be no possible guarantee from her as to how long it would take for her to get me through my spider phobia? 

This may be frustrating to hear, but I want to be fully transparent with you that the process does take time. Dogs though are incredible learners and I can tell you that over the many hundreds of dogs that we’ve worked with, we see progress over time and while some dogs improve more rapidly than others, getting to the finish line is something we know is possible.

Having a dog that is not experiencing panic while you leave the house is so profound for both the dog and the people that we feel strongly about making that happen in the most humane yet expedient way available, but no matter what, the larger lesson here is that leaving your dog alone is possible, and we are here to help. We’re happy to set a time for a brief phone or video call at no charge. If you need our support and are interested in exploring your options.

Speaking with us, we’ll help you make critical decisions about how you personally would like to proceed with your training. Whether that entails something more independent like a do it yourself program or whether that means you want day-to-day personal support, we can review those avenues with you. 

Your dog needs help and we want you to feel comfortable getting the information you need. Do remember that this process is for you, iIf your dog is suffering from separation anxiety where he cannot be left alone without experiencing distress, you are willing to commit to having you or someone else stay with your dog during the training phase and you are ready to move forward towards a better life for you and your dog.