A while back, I shared how Adora was struggling through a tough separation anxiety regression. After months of steady progress, she suddenly found it difficult to be alone again, leaving us feeling frustrated and uncertain about what lay ahead. If you’ve ever experienced a setback with your dog’s training, you know how disheartening it can be. But now, I’m excited to share an update—one that proves setbacks aren’t the end of the road. In fact, they can be stepping stones to success.
Recently, my wife and I went out for dinner without our dog, Adora. For many, this might seem unremarkable, but for us, it was a milestone. When we first adopted her, Adora would panic during the shortest separation from me. Over many months, we’d built her tolerance for alone time only to experience a regression. When Adora could once again handle a few hours alone without stress, it felt like a significant cause for celebration, as well as reflection.
Regressions are a natural part of overcoming fear and anxiety, and separation anxiety training is no exception. Even though we know this, navigating the ups and downs of training can still be frustrating and disheartening. By sharing the lessons we learn from these setbacks, we can make the journey smoother and less stressful for others. Reflecting on the past few months with Adora, here are five key lessons I’ve learned from our separation anxiety training journey.
1. Ask Friends for Help
Professional pet care can be a lifesaver, but the costs add up quickly. Even if you budget for some paid help, you might still find yourself skipping “non-essential” outings to save money. Over time, those canceled plans can leave you feeling isolated and unhappy.
When Adora couldn’t handle even five minutes alone, we turned to our community for support. Coordinating with friends and neighbors allowed us to grocery shop, see the doctor, or catch a movie without stressing Adora—or our wallets.
Wherever you are in your training, let your loved ones know how they can help. You’ll be surprised by how many people are willing to spend an hour or two with your dog. A few hours of free pet care can make a world of difference for your mental health.
2. Make Training Easy
Separation anxiety training is a careful, gradual process involving many short, low-stress absences. While this “slow and steady” approach is effective for our dogs, it can test our patience and motivation.
For us, setting up a camera for each training session became a hassle that discouraged consistency. Investing in a dedicated camera and leaving it permanently in place made training easier and more frequent. As a result, Adora got more practice with “easy win” absences, helping us progress faster.
If training feels like a chore, consider simplifying your routine. Whether it’s changing how you monitor absences, altering your departure route, or tweaking where you go during short absences, small adjustments can make training more manageable. The easier it feels, the more likely you’ll stick with it.
3. Reassess Your Routine
When starting separation anxiety training, you likely identified and adjusted parts of your departure routine that stressed your dog—like jingling keys or putting on shoes. Over time, as your dog improved, those steps might have slipped back into your routine.
When regressions happen, it’s a chance to reassess. For Adora, the sound of the deadbolt became a stress trigger, even though it hadn’t bothered her before. Temporarily removing that step allowed us to rebuild duration and focus on calm, relaxed absences. When we reintroduced the deadbolt later, it was no longer a problem.
If you’re stuck, examine your departure routine. Dropping a single step could reduce your dog’s stress and help you regain momentum.
4. Push Back on “Shoulds”
It’s easy to compare your dog’s progress to others’—or even to their past successes. Social media stories about rapid progress can feel discouraging, and regressions might tempt you to think, “My dog should be able to handle this by now.”
After multiple successful multi-hour absences, it was tough to accept that Adora couldn’t manage even five minutes alone. But focusing on what she “should” be able to do didn’t help. Instead, I had to meet her where she was. By responding to her current behavior, I avoided putting her in stressful situations that could have set us back further.
Trust your dog’s body language and progress at their pace. Let go of comparisons and embrace the unique journey you’re on together.
5. Circle Back to Your Vet
Before starting training, you probably consulted your vet to rule out medical issues like pain or illness. But it’s worth revisiting that conversation if you feel stuck.
After Adora’s regression, we consulted a veterinary behaviorist who adjusted her medication from “as needed” to a daily prescription. This small change was transformative. Adora became less anxious, rested more, and shadowed us less, making training more effective. She’s still her playful, loving self—just a calmer, better-rested version.
Your vet is a critical partner in your dog’s care. Reassessing their health or treatment plan can uncover solutions that make training easier and more effective.
Always Learning
Adora’s regression reminded me that separation anxiety training is as much an emotional journey as a practical one. Even as a professional behavior consultant, there’s always more to learn from the dogs we share our lives with. By sharing our experiences, we can build a supportive, informed community for dog guardians.
Keep learning. Keep training. And remember: you’re never in this alone.
